For the past 3 weeks I’m trying to practice mindfulness, mainly to reduce my (high level of) stress that I experience on a day to day basis. I’ve found the following definition of mindfulness that I like:
Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
I find the practice hard, almost in every aspect:
focusing one’s awareness on the present moment
for me, someone who is also in constant thought, a lot about the past (regrets, replay of events) and the future (the ‘what-if’ never-ending thoughts), focusing on the present moment,on mundane things like your breath, body scan, etc, is extremely difficult. I find myself lost in thought over and over again, and sometimes even getting more stressed about not succeeding in what should be a very simple task.
calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations
Considering that I’m trying to reduce stress levels, and as I have mentioned I am mostly stressed throughout the day, calmly doing anything is hard, especially when trying to stay focused in the present moment.
Not only that, I need to accept all the feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations? Just the thought of that made me stress at the beginning. It’s hard to express in writing how hard it is to accept ones thoughts and feeling in such a manner. I’m trying to get rid of stress, and in mindfulness I need to accept it and let it pass by me while focusing on the present.
I found it impossible at the beginning, and achievable but extremely hard now and for a limited time.
I hope it’ll be easier as time passes by. One thing that I read throughout all the mindfulness articles and Youtube videos is that you need to be persistent, that things will be easier. Well, I can be stubborn, and even with my pessimistic habits, I’ll keep trying more and more.